We who have been on a diet salute you

Note the two fat boabs (Hinchy and I) are not in the picture

We is getting familiar with the soap and the beer

Canny wait to see yous all on Saturday, love the smelly posse

Medical emergency, paging Dr. Oxygen

Oxygen is over rated. Stat.

Scottish folk can expect the best of medical help from this man at Glastonbury. He is a top banana. Look for a cross between Dougie Howser MD and Philip Schofield if you need a mole check. Show him how to work his phone and you'll get free diamox for life.

Love, Woodsy

Veni vidi vici!

We did it and we're back with all our fingers and toes (eleven of each in James's case). Sorry there's been no updates but my phone died and it's kinda hard to type when it's -20c and you're wearing mittens.

We'll get some pictures up shortly, but in the interim: a huge thank you to everybody who has supported us through our mid life crises and been so generous to the Anthony Nolan Trust.

More to follow once we get a wash and a few beers...

Day 3, Mawenzi Peak

A tough slog today up to our camp at Mawenzi Tarn at 4200m, and then an acclimatisation walk up Mawenzi Peak to 4500m. We are way above the clouds now and the views are amazing, though it's absolutely baltic when the sun goes down.

Doc just demonstrated the portable altitude chamber which comes with us to Kibo tomorrow in case things go wrong, giving us the chance to raid his medicine bag while he was locked in. Result. Party in our tent tonight.

Tomorrow we walk to our last camp at Kibo at 4700m, get a feed and a bit of a sleep, and then set off at midnight on an 18 hour trek to the summit and back. Even Chris our guide isn't pretending it's going to be anything other than a ball buster, but everybody is feeling fine so
far so hopefully it will all be good.

Brekkie at 3700m

Day 3, feeling surprisingly good (we're above the clouds and its 0c) and that's Kili in the background.

If the diamox keeps working (we have permanent pins and needles which is pretty cool, and are peeing like racehorses which isn't so much fun when you're sleeping in a tent) we'll be up there tomorrow night.

Chanel sponsorship moi?

Porters have been dispatched to widen all existing long drops on the mountain. NATO have been asked to air drop more wet wipes and bigger shovels. Kilimanjaro in state of emergency after the one man ozone layer attack of last night/ this morning. Never have the locals seen so much glacial meltwater.

And all this from a man who uses a Chanel compact.

Love Woodsy & Hinchy

It's a doddle climbing mountains...

...when you've got hooves instead of feet

Blue steel

Hinchy busting out his gilet (I think that's French for a bodywarmer/ wifebeater).

Could he be the first man ever to attempt Kilimanjaro and come back heavier?

Onex

This is Onex, our head guide. He does this three times a month and he thinks we're a bunch of pussies.

I might wait till we get down before I tell him his team's just been relegated.

And we're off

(l:r) everybody

Heading off for the mountain this morning, though we've got another three hours in the bus to survive first.

Woodsy is more excited than I've ever seen him, but that might just be because he's bagged the seat over the axle. He seems to enjoy the potholes a little bit too much.

This is what testosterone tastes like

Is there anything more manly than standing on top of a bus? I don't
think so. Unless it's moving obviously, but this was scary enough.

Just got our first sighting of Kili. It's absolutely frickin HUGE.
Nice bit of snow on top too, so already thinking we might need to
break out warmer t-shirts for summit night.

The back of the bus, they canny sing

(l:r) Honchy, Sascha, Our very own Bafta winner, Peter the driver, his mate Mohammed, Doc, David Carradine and Chris.

Now the fun bit, a 10 hour bus journey to Moshi. We've picked up a few strays; notably Sascha the headshrinker and the only laydee in the party, Grant the Kiwi doctor who'll hopefully be supplying all the drugs and Chris our guide, spiritual leader and Eddie Izzard impersonator.

20 minutes in and so far we've clocked up an inflatable giraffe, a guy with an AK47, three near-death experiences, lots of streetmeat, but sadly nothing resembling a nice flat road.

Flying out

See how happy they look? That's because they weren't sitting next to
the insane drunk woman with Tourettes in 39c.

We who are about to die salute you

(l:r) Hinchy, James, Me, Dr. Evil

The lads eventually made it to London for last orders after Woody and Hinchy caused a bombscare at Glasgow airport (they've been practising it in stadiums all over the country for years).

Hinchy takes a surprise lead in the World Snoring Championships, while James hasn't been seen since he disappeared off to his room to recover from fighting off a mob of autograph hunters on the plane.

Stuff you'd rather not think about, let alone buy, no.27

Much of my preparation for this trip has involved hanging about camping shops, buying things I've never wanted to own and will hopefully never use again.

Take this stuff for example, recommended as "absolutely indispensible" by Mr B. M. of West Dulwich ("I use it every day, and not just when I'm running"). It's nipple grease Bryan, and I'm a wee bit concerned about the direction our friendship is taking.

Testing testing

Picture #1, nothing to do with big hills. Just sixteen pounds and seven ounces of pure unadultered evil guarding the house while I'm away. Who wants some? Eh? Eh?